There are about 89,900,000 results on Google for "find yourself". It's a common enough idea, It's what I thought I was doing when I went back-packing after university.
I found Australia, New Zealand and South East Asia, I found a plane and jumped out of it and a cliff and jumped off that. I found a friend from Japan which is how I ended up living here for the past six years. I also found that I do like home comforts like running water and a cosy bed. And that carrier bags are the most annoying things to have in a room where other people are sleeping.
Did I find myself, though?
I think I changed on that trip. I learned that I could do exactly what I wanted, for me. When I found that I had more money than my friends did and they needed to go fruit picking I decided to go to New Zealand alone instead. Scary biscuits. But I don't think I found myself. It's like I was expecting to have a moment where I realised "Ooh, there I am! Now everything will fall into place!"
I kept on changing. After I came to Japan, I became more group-minded. I wanted to do the best for the group as well as for the individual. That still causes some conflicts in me. I met more people with their own selves and incorporated some of them into me. I learned a second language and I think thinking in another language has to affect the way you think.
When speaking Japanese, it's perfectly acceptable to say "the me of last year" or "the me of the future". I think the concept of self is more fluid here. People know that you will change. Maybe it goes back to the buddhist zen idea or maybe it's to do with your "outside face" and your "inside face"
I was sort of thinking that I was pretty much who I was going to be a year or so ago, but as I'm reading new blogs and trying new things I'm still adjusting.
Recently my younger brother died. That was a huge blow and I'm not ready to write about him too much yet. But that changed me again. It also ended a fledgling relationship because I'm not the same person I was three months ago.
I used to think that because I changed I was flaky or shallow but now I realise that that's normal. Our sense of self is influenced by things that happen, by those we meet, even by books, movies, blogs and Twitter.
There's a quote on a blog that I've been reading:
Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.
Free Spirit Knits
I like that to a point but I think life is about noticing yourself. Nothing big or major that needs to involve being silent for three months on a barefoot trip to the mountains. Just you, right now. You are made up of every experience you've ever had. And you're not going to stop experiencing things now, are you?
I found Australia, New Zealand and South East Asia, I found a plane and jumped out of it and a cliff and jumped off that. I found a friend from Japan which is how I ended up living here for the past six years. I also found that I do like home comforts like running water and a cosy bed. And that carrier bags are the most annoying things to have in a room where other people are sleeping.
Did I find myself, though?
I think I changed on that trip. I learned that I could do exactly what I wanted, for me. When I found that I had more money than my friends did and they needed to go fruit picking I decided to go to New Zealand alone instead. Scary biscuits. But I don't think I found myself. It's like I was expecting to have a moment where I realised "Ooh, there I am! Now everything will fall into place!"
I kept on changing. After I came to Japan, I became more group-minded. I wanted to do the best for the group as well as for the individual. That still causes some conflicts in me. I met more people with their own selves and incorporated some of them into me. I learned a second language and I think thinking in another language has to affect the way you think.
When speaking Japanese, it's perfectly acceptable to say "the me of last year" or "the me of the future". I think the concept of self is more fluid here. People know that you will change. Maybe it goes back to the buddhist zen idea or maybe it's to do with your "outside face" and your "inside face"
I was sort of thinking that I was pretty much who I was going to be a year or so ago, but as I'm reading new blogs and trying new things I'm still adjusting.
Recently my younger brother died. That was a huge blow and I'm not ready to write about him too much yet. But that changed me again. It also ended a fledgling relationship because I'm not the same person I was three months ago.
I used to think that because I changed I was flaky or shallow but now I realise that that's normal. Our sense of self is influenced by things that happen, by those we meet, even by books, movies, blogs and Twitter.
There's a quote on a blog that I've been reading:
Life isn't about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself.
Free Spirit Knits
I like that to a point but I think life is about noticing yourself. Nothing big or major that needs to involve being silent for three months on a barefoot trip to the mountains. Just you, right now. You are made up of every experience you've ever had. And you're not going to stop experiencing things now, are you?
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